Dip-Shit….

Although I shared this in my cook book “Rock and Rolls” I think it bears re-mentioning as the glorious, festive season of holiday parties approaches.

STORE BOUGHT ONION DIP SUCKS!!!!!

Seriously I am so against it that if you serve it to me at your party this year I won’t come back next year, nor the year after that…ever, probably, I am not kidding…seriously. That stuff is beyond gross…it’s usually made with fake sour cream, tastes much too strong and your breath…well, you best have a toothbrush AND a giant size bottle of Scope if you hope to even get a smidgen of party talk under your belt.  And that kiss at midnight at New Years?? Ha ha! seriously don’t even think it’s going to happen, in fact people will run screaming from you, that’s a fact.

“But it’s easy you say”, “I can just whip into the nearest convenience store and there you go!” It’s thinking like this that is killing America.

Stop it stop it right now!

I have the recipe below that not only can make that nasty onion dip obsolete, it will make you the queen of dips, any dips!!  In less than 10 minutes! Guaranteed. It’s a magic recipe you can whip up into almost limitless configurations and will make you a star!

It also will make sure I will be at your next party and you KNOW how fun I am so everybody wins!

OK So here’s the Basic Dip:

 1 8 oz. carton of sour cream (reg or low fat – your choice)

1 Cup  Hellman’s mayonnaise (reg or low fat, again your choice and I did NOT say Miracle Whip did I?)

1/2 package of softened Cream Cheese (again reg or low fat your call)

Mix the ingredients together until light and fluffy, then proceed with any of the variations below…you can add in a touch more sour cream or cream if you like a less thick dip, or even skip the cream cheese, it’s up to you.

The first is a VERY good substitution for that nameless horrid thing we talked about in the paragraphs above…and the others well they are just delicious, impressive and good to have in your arsenal. Oh and when I said endless variations, I wasn’t kidding, almost anything goes. Take the basic dip and get creative…and send me YOUR new recipe. I will steal it and make it at my next party.

Variation 1 – Dill dip

To the basic dip recipe add 2 tablespoons of dill and a squeeze of lemon juice and either a teaspoon of Beau Monde seasoning (if you can find it) or instead a teaspoon of salt and some celery salt to taste.

Mix and serve – good with veggies, chips, as a sandwich condiment, really most versatile dip ever!

Variation 2 – Blue Cheese dip

Add one package (or two if you really love blue cheese!) of crumbled blue cheese, a big squeeze of lemon, and  some cracked black pepper.

Mix and serve – Good with chicken wings, crackers, and awesome with roast beast.

Variation 3 – Shrimp dip

Add 10 to 12 large chopped up shrimp to the basic mix, along with 2 tablespoons shrimp sauce (or a combo of ketchup and horseradish) a big squeeze of lemon juice and  2 dashes of hot sauce

mix and serve – With crackers, chips, especially good on celery and cucumber rounds

Variation 4 – La Mexicana dip

Add one can chipolte with adobo sauce (chop up the chipolte) and some chopped green onions and diced avocado and a squeeze of lime juice. Arriba! Warning spicy!!

Mix and serve – great with tortilla chips, awesome on cucumber spears, yummy served on tacos.

Variation 5 – Tropical Vacation dip

Add 1 small can drained crushed pineapple, a cup of finely diced ham, and some red pepper flakes.

Mix and serve – Good on chips, yummy piped into cherry tomatoes

Variation 6 – Mediterranean Mix dip

Add once cup cooked  diced eggplant, 1/4 cup tahini, a half cup diced cherry tomatoes, a 1/4 diced onion along with a teaspoon of cumin and oregano. Salt to taste and sprinkle some parsley on top.

Mix and serve – Delicious with pita bread, also fabulous as a sandwich spread. Also super yummy on red pepper srips.

Variation 7 – Italy-by-the-Sea dip

Add to the basic mix a half cup pesto, a cup of diced tomatoes, 1/4 cup diced onion a teaspoon of oregano and a teaspoon of balsalmic vinegar and a 1/4 cup shredded mozzarella – (feel free to add more mozzarella, I do)

Mix and serve – Delicious on crostada, just slice some day old italian bread and crisp in the oven, Good as a spread for pizza too…delicious on zucchini spears and good rolled up in prosciutto or salami.

Variation 8 – Sweetheart dip

Add 1 cup packed brown sugar, 2 tablespoons honey , a 1/4 teaspoon salt and a tablespoon of salted butter.

Mix and serve – Delicious on fruit of any kind, mix very well before serving.

 Variation 9 – The “OK if you absolutely cannot live without onion dip here’s a better recipe” dip

Chop a large yellow onion, saute it in a pan with some olive oil, slowly so you caramelize the onions, about halfway through, add a few tablespoon of balsamic vinegar and continue cooking til the onions are completely caramelized. Add this to the basic mixture along with some thyme, cracked black pepper and a touch of lemon juice.

Mix and serve – I think you know what goes good with onion dip…

 Ok so there you go…easy, fast, infinitely more delicious than that store bought crap, because seriously, you do not want me bringing cheesy poofs to your party…and you do not want to be a dip shit….

About Elle Crash

At one point it was New York, L.A., Tokyo, Istanbul, Venice, Curacao, Now it's here in Cincinnati... I make rock, food, marketing, magic and cats purr... If you'd like a copy of my cookbook "Rock and Rolls" contact me.
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2 Responses to Dip-Shit….

  1. You know what sucks just as much as store-bought dip? Miracle Whip. That stuff is pure evil.

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