It’s hard to type when you are crying…
Snoring…room rumbling, wake you up, no going back to sleep snoring. From both of them, man and beast. in tandem, taking turns, all night long, in stereo. Joined at the hip and heart, boy and his dog running together in dreams of fields to pee and deer to chase. I pretty much gave up on sleeping at that point…
But, there were other sounds too…snorty, snuffly, rooting sounds, on the couch near to my ear, low and searching and comforting. The click, click, clickity sounds of supermodel brindlelegs walking from room to room and quickly dancing in endless circles across the kitchen floor, power driven by snausages and beggin’ strips. Crackling of the plastic bag that proved he’d do ANYTHING for a treat. Igor and I had more than mutual respect and bonding over being highly motivated by food.
The happy -shiny sound of a jingly, jangly leash or “string” as we called it, so as not to show ownership, but act as a team. I was lucky enough to join the team when Randy and I got married and since there was boundless love in Igor’s warm furry heart I was part of the pack, part of the clan. And he let me know it too…I was the valley of legs in which he slept, securing me with the weight of him on the blanket, in a way I’d like to think he was protecting me even as I sleep, from falling out of bed or moving away from the pack, the clan. Closeness mattered to Igor.
Working at home, Igor worked too…in my lap. Always. A heavy warm weight that kept me grounded, connected to the universe of living breathing things and comfort in contrast to the cold spreadsheets and e-mails I sent through the day. The wiggly afghan that always seemed to find my feet when I needed it or next to me for the lazy afternoon nap.
He loved cars rides like crazy, tongue out, head up, he ruled the road and almost looked like a smaller version of Randy as he rode in his lap…proud and ready for endless adventure! Adventure Pug!
The combination of his melty chocolate eyes that always found my soul and velvety ears, so soft they reminded me of the lamb’s ear plants I’d find in the gardens of Northside when we’d go for a walk, made my hands happy and let you believe absolutely in the humanity that resides in animals everywhere. They will find out one day that just because animals can’t talk, doesn’t mean they aren’t communicating. And I am sure they think us stupid sometimes because we fail to hear them fully. I heard and felt love coming from Igor at every moment.
He could talk…I’m not kidding..He could say “Emma” and the first word I taught him, “Randy”. We were also working on “I love you” he hadn’t completely mastered that but he tried so hard. I also taught him to sit and shake paws…and he sang with the best of them, musical family that we were..he was so smart and so loving.
He left the earth today.
He had left earlier too, when Randy and I were no longer a couple…whenever I talked to Randy I’d ask him to bring Igor because Emma and I really, really missed him, he left a hole in our lives and hearts..he did bring him once and as communication slowed so did my opportunity. Sadly I never did get another one…one that I dearly wanted.
The house was very quiet today and it was raining outside and inside…Jasper and Lola knew. Jasper spent the whole afternoon uncharacteristically under the bed, clearly missing his adversarial friend. Lola had paced and meowed ceaselessly before the door for the last three days, I believe she was the most open to seeing him come back for one more visit, one more romp in the backyard from a happier time. She stopped pacing today.
I don’t know exactly how Igor died. I wonder…I hope it was as soft and warm and quiet and peaceful as the last little breath in my ear before he woke up, pain-free and dignified like my very dear, dear little friend. Part of my pack, my clan.
I know Randy…Igor was his very best friend in the whole world..I told him that a dog never loved another human being on earth as much as Igor loved him. And I know that is the absolute truth.
Igor, Beegor honey dog, I love you dearly, I’ll continue to miss you like crazy. I wish nothing for you Mr. Lamby Ears but the greatest expanse of fields to run in outside and an endless supply of treats. And a place on the bed beside Randy, who you loved so dearly, but I know that you will always be there anyway…even if some claim to not see you.
Goodbye my friend, part of my pack, my clan. I do believe I’ll see you again…I’ll listen for the light clicking of your nails in the hallway…